Big Bear Part 2: When the Plan Falls Apart

This story was written while lying on a bed in Big Bear, California. This was originally posted in March 2020 on Medium.

An image of me holding a grilled cheese sandwich. The sandwich is in focus and I am blurred in the background.

None of this was in the plan.

The plan, originally, was to celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a two-week trip to China — a long, international trip to a place we’ve both wanted to visit for a long time. The plan was made and the trip was booked in November 2018, a full year and few months before our actual 10 year anniversary.

And then, well, you know what happened: COVID-19. The China trip has been rescheduled, which is fine really because health and safety are more important than sticking to a plan. But if there’s one thing I like to pride myself on it’s making plans and sticking to them, so this was certainly a new feeling for me.

Anyways, a new plan was formed: we would celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a weekend getaway to Big Bear, a trip that was a lot less extravagant but much more manageable.

If you’ve read my previous blog post about Big Bear you’ll know that this is a special place not only for my relationship with Orlando, but also for my love of grilled cheese. A quick recap: in 2016, I found a restaurant that served one of my favorite grilled cheese sandwiches I’d ever tasted, and in 2019 the restaurant completely changed and I was thrown for a loop.

Before driving up to Big Bear this weekend, I had decided not to try a new grilled cheese sandwich. My research wasn’t coming up with any great results and I figured that I had already written one post about Big Bear and there was no need to do something just for the sake of doing it. Given the fact that you’re currently reading my blog post, however, that obviously didn’t go to plan.

And, really, lots of things didn’t go to plan during this trip.

Two of the only things we had planned for this weekend fell apart pretty quickly. A trail we wanted to hike was covered in snow and we were utterly unprepared. Additionally, we wanted to kayak without realizing that kayaking wasn’t available until mid-May. (I blame both of these oversights on the fact that we live in San Diego and forget that weather, you know, exists).

An image of me pointing to the trail we wanted to hike which is covered in snow.

Normally, we visit Big Bear during the weekend and this time we were here mostly on a Monday. Multiple food places that we were excited to re-visit or try for the first time were consistently closed on Mondays and Tuesdays.

To make up for the kayaking, we tried to go to a movie only to have that plan change thanks to my horrible stomach problems.

However, thanks to all these changing plans, a wonderful thing happened: I found a new (favorite?) grilled cheese sandwich. A deli we wanted to try was completely closed down so we found a new one called Mountain Munchies. There, at the bottom of the menu, was a grilled cheese sandwich.

This sandwich was so different from my usual. I was enticed by the possibility of re-experiencing a classic sandwich from my youth: a ham sandwich with melted Swiss. (Note: I LOVED these sandwiches from Arby’s when I was young.) (Second note: I’m vegetarian 95% of the time but sometimes indulge in meat-eating when I’m on vacation).

This sandwich was unexpected, unplanned, and absolutely incredible. I savored every bite in a way I’m not sure I would have if I had been expecting to eat it all along.

I’m a planner to my core but even I am learning to relax a little bit. This was our fourth trip to Big Bear and, weirdly enough, I’m now starting to see a lot of similarities between journeys to Big Bear and a 10 year relationship. Both are comfortable and familiar, and both fill me with a mix of excitement and wonder. You can still find newness in the familiar, even after 10 years and four trips to the same place. And when plans fall apart, you’re stable enough to pick up the pieces and create a new plan.

An example: when the weather surprises you and creates yet another change in your plans, sometimes your partner can create something fun out of it — something that surprises a laugh out of you in the morning when you see a message written in the snow.

An image of the words “Happy Anniversary” spelled out in the snow.

All of that is to say, I’m glad we didn’t plan this trip, and a grilled cheese outing, down to the last detail. If I’ve learned anything this weekend, it’s that the plan would’ve probably changed anyways.

Big Bear: How Times Change

This story was written while lying in a hammock on a cabin patio in Big Bear, California. This was originally posted in September 2019 on Medium.

An image of me with my grilled cheese sandwich at Teddy Bear Restaurant in September 2019.

I’ve been to Big Bear, California enough times now that it feels familiar. I recognize streets and know how to get to my favorite restaurants and remember which shops I’ve visited. Every time I’ve been here it’s been for a birthday, either mine or Orlando’s, this time included. And every time I’ve been here I’ve gone to Teddy Bear Restaurant for a grilled cheese sandwich.

An image of the grilled cheese sandwich I had at Teddy Bear Restaurant in February 2018. Look at those sweet potato fries!!!!!

The first time was revolutionary. I wrote about it in my zine:

“When we made it to Big Bear, we went to Teddy Bear Restaurant and I had one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches of my life. Knowing fully well that this is going to sound dramatic, it was perfect. Not only the sandwich itself but everything else: the sweet potato fries, the rootbeer, the crushed ice. More importantly, the meal didn’t make me feel sick. This trip was pretty important in the story of my relationship with Orlando, but arguably more important was my discovery of this grilled cheese sandwich.”

So, yeah. Needless to say, I really liked this grilled cheese sandwich and started to think of it as My Favorite. I visited this restaurant again in February 2018, and while the grilled cheese didn’t necessarily feel “perfect” that time (and really, those standards were unrealistic to begin with), it was still really great.

Flash forward to this weekend. We went to Teddy Bear Restaurant as soon as we had dropped our stuff off at the cabin. I opened the menu and one of the first things I said was, “I think they’ve changed.” Reader: I was right.

The grilled cheese sandwiches were now served with specialty bread and cheddar cheese and tomato soup. All of which is fine in theory, but wasn’t what I expected. In the end, the sandwich was good, (and the tomato soup was even great), but I did feel sick afterwards. I was struck in the face with the reality that when you only visit a place once every few years, you really can’t expect things to stay the same. (Duh, Sara).

A close up image of the grilled cheese at Teddy Bear Restaurant in September 2019. What is up with those veggies….?! They were completely cold.

I couldn’t help but think about everything else that had changed since the discovery of the perfect grilled cheese back in 2016. Back then I was turning 25 and had just started a new job. Now, I was turning 27 and have been at that same job for the last three years. A few months after that first visit, the 2016 election would happen and would change my priorities in many ways. Without coming across too cheesy, I feel like I understand myself so much better now: what I’m good at, what my morals are, and what I want my future to look like.

Here’s another story about change: On that first trip, the one with the perfect grilled cheese, I bought a garnet stone at a gem shop. At the time, Orlando and I were really into the show Steven Universe and Garnet was by far my favorite character. Garnet was strong and capable and a leader and a representation of a love so great that two people (I mean, gems) preferred to exists fused together.

I bought the stone with the intent of making it into a ring but put it off for years. Flash forward once again to this year, when Orlando and I have decided to get married. I haven’t liked the idea of a diamond engagement ring for years now, but I had the idea of this garnet ring in the back of my mind. So, I contacted a jeweler in Big Bear (a short distance from where I bought the original stone) and asked him to design a ring. I wanted the stone to be surrounded my vines, a symbol from another one of our favorite stories.

An image of my ring. The garnet stone is surrounded by silver vines.

To me, this ring still isn’t an engagement ring, or a wedding ring, but is a physical thing that reminds me of our relationship and things we value. It reminds me of Big Bear and the memories we’ve made here, and of a partnership full of open communication and doing what feels right to us no matter what “society” says. So much has changed since I bought the garnet stone and since that perfect grilled cheese sandwich. Steven Universe has ended (at least in its original iteration), our relationship has changed in exciting ways, and, after celebrating so many birthdays here, we’re literally older and wiser.

Even though Teddy Bear’s grilled cheese has changed so drastically, the memory and perfection of that first time doesn’t change. I might even be an optimist for once in my life and say that all this means is that I get to find a new favorite grilled cheese sandwich.

An image of my lying in a hammock while writing this post. :)